"Holding you for the first time was me wishing I could hold you for eternity"

Intense. The right word to describe my line. Intense in its purest and subtle manner. I've been a fool trying to hide my emotions to the very man who made me say those words in my thoughts. I've been a fool all the more because I've allowed myself to lose control over my emotions and yes, even my affections.

I've been "insatiably" attracted to this man I call my Fair Prince. "Insatiably", yes you read it right. Feeling completely powerless right before this man is truly a puzzling piece. It's like drooling over your most favorite chocolate in the hands of another: truly tempting but completely out of reach but still paralyzes you in a way that you continue to aspire hoping that you could get a taste of it someday.

Only a fool could probably keep this going, right? Well, call me a fool but I've been in this limbo for 4 to 5 fucking months and I'm still caught up with it.

How do I really unlove you My Fair Prince? When every waking moment, I still think of you after a week of not seeing nor talking to you and checking my fone every time for any missed call or text from you? When every time I hit the sack, I wish I could hear your voice and talk to you? When I sleep, my dreams are still filled with thoughts of you? When I day dream, I imagine moments with you?

You've completely taken over my life. Every end I go, I see you. There's no way I could runaway from you because until maybe my heart stops beating, that'd be the time I'll stop thinking about you. I've been long perplexed of my feelings towards you. I know this isn't right anymore, you have Peachy and I have Jet but why does my attraction towards you over pass these road blocks? We're back to our "originals" but I am still powerless right before you whenever I see you. My cousin told me, maybe he's just a happy pill in your life, like ecstacy. You know it's not good for you but you still take it because of the "high" that it gives you. I beg to disagree at times, but sometimes I do think this might me true.

You told me the first few months how you're deeply inlove with me. All your caring gestures just melted my defense down and I just couldn't help myself but embrace you in my life. Whatever we had was mutual and God knows how I wanted to tell you the very same things you told me, but I was bounded by a pre-existing relationship that was at that time was crumbling down.

I wanted to wait for that time until I was free so I could tell you without boundaries and hesitations what I felt for you and when that time came, you, out of the blue, told me you were back with her. I was deeply crushed my Fair Prince. I spent nights crying in darkness wallowing over the wasted passion I had for you but I chose not to be bitter and angry because I still wanted to keep you.

I was stupid maybe to still have tried to lure you that even if you were back with her, I still accepted you and allowed you to still manipulated my heart. It was maybe a wrong move from a logical perspective but it was the only way I could reach you to exhaust what I felt for you. I just thought maybe you deserve to know.

True enough, it did some magic between us and we started to connect again more than we used to. My attraction grew bigger and passion grew deeper, I couldn't help but think about you all the time. Over time, calls became rare, misunderstanding became often, texts became work related. I started to feel the gap yet every time we call, you share something very personal that I know you don't do often to other people. I would like to believe this is trust and comfort and it flatters me that you feel this way towards me.

You've shared some pretty aweful truths about yourself. You've shared your countless sex-capades and "kiat" moments with other girls when you were young (and yes even upto now). You basically showed your naked self with all your flaws and imperfections to me yet I am very surprised of myself why up to now, I'm still not discouraged to stop feeling this way towards you.

I don't know but I am seeing a man with great potentials. I'm seeing a man with vision and goals in life. I'm seeing a man with zestful ambitions. You just lack a little push, a little support so you could see what wonders you could do. I'm seeing a successful man in you.

Sometimes I wish, I've met you way before when everything is less complicated than what's going on now. Sometimes I wish, I didn't feel scared to have told you what I truly felt and that I shouldn't have let the opportunity pass. Sometimes I wish, I could still love you freely.

I should have stopped loving you the moment you chose her. It should have been enough to discourage me but it just made me want you more. I also don't have the assurance to know what you feel for me now, I know it has changed, but I know you still care and that's enough for me.

I chose to go back to him to silence my heart and to once again build that wall you effortlessly crumbled down but this I know, one day when time is on our side, I will never pass the chance of loving you and I'm never letting go.

Maybe not in this life time, but someday I know I'll see you. I've never felt this intense you know. I just pray that the odds will be in our favor and that you'll choose me next time around.

I'm still inlove with you after all the rejections I endured from you. The question is, how do I really unlove you my Fair Prince?



Blogged @ 11:54 AM
Don't let me go -