- Lock my life with you ;

That time of your life

30 July, 2012

Here I am ranting about the mishaps I am going through... So here comes that part of one's life when you actually need a job to keep you moving and yes, TO KEEP YOU MOVING.

It feels so constricting with no pennies on my pocket. Having no money, no earning means I have nothing to spend. When I have nothing to spend, it also means I have absolutely no means to acquire anything. By anything, I mean anything -clothes, shoes, and even food. Yes, FOOD!

What's more is the emotional stress I am going through. Having in mind the thought of losing an opportunity (yes, I had tons of opportunities. I had jobs. Yes, jobs! HAD!) by trying to gain greater earning but in the end, lose them because I did not have the will to go against the desire of my parents plus the ever forever-hated-training-facility that treats nurses like shit experience was so traumatic and dehumanizing, I had to quit to save myself from further damage.

But you know, sometimes I think was the quitting all worth it. I had that great opportunity to work as a nurse in an advanced training facility but I let it go because of that hurt and the greed to earn more. It hurts because my parents never approved of that job when I quit that nursing career while infact I was truly enjoying it. It hurts because I obeyed my parents to quit that NGO job to search for greater opportunities. It hurts because now I am unemployed still searching for the nursing job I dream to have once again. It hurts because I feel useless and worthless having nothing to do every single day.

I just hope I do get employed soon. I've sent out a dozen or even more resumes online trying to apply for a nursing job. I've sent out 3 applications too to 3 different hospitals here in CDO and still, there's no reply. I badly need a job, world. Please conspire to make this happen...

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On the other note, tomorrow will be "Car Registration Day" aside from such, the stress of having to spend close to 4k will be another drama I have to take. I just spoke about money, and having moneyless, I would settle for payless.

Once again, I shall be diving into a public office. I hope everything goes well, because I really need things doing great this week. Keepin' this good vibes is really a challenging experience! Aja!

Blogged @ 9:42 PM
Don't let me go -

You know, it hurts

23 July, 2012

Gone were the days I have been extremely happy of where I am.

I used to be proud of the things I do. I might have been TOO proud.

I was too confident I failed to notice I was being arrogant.

I always thought I was right, always believed I did right.

But even if I do believe, what else can I do, I don't have the right.

You know, it hurts so much to find myself of no use.

It hurts so much seeing most of my batch mates having jobs.

I have had so much opportunities before. I had a job, but I let it go.

It hurts so much to be of no use. I feel so incompetent and abandoned.

I can't find any purpose here, I find no sense.

It's not the first, but the deepest, I feel ashamed of myself.

I make others see me as happy. I just have to, the arrogant me says so.

Little do they know, I truly want to weep.

Wallow in waters of tears and sadness and just hoping things would just go away.

Hoping that this pain and shame would just go.

I feel ashamed, weak, unworthy, useless.

I feel truly incompetent.

I feel sorry for myself, I know I could do things, but I just don't know what was wrong.

I had the opportunities, I had the chances, but now,

I might exhausted most of my resources so now I am left with nothing.

I don't have anywhere to go, I'm so lost, so gone.

I'm smart, I'm talented, I'm hardworking.

I guess, those things are not enough.

What else will I have to do?

Please Lord, help.

Blogged @ 1:47 PM
Don't let me go -