So I was viewing my blog entries here, I was reminded on the vigor I felt when I had the chance to become a nurse once again after that traumatic experience I had with my previous employer. Reading though the note made me feel happy that indeed I was working it out right from the start and that I was so eager to begin a new chapter in my life.

Yet I will be announcing in the same way as I announced here my chances fades as I was told it was time to say goodbye. The pain re-echoed on the chamber walls of my heart and mind when those words were spoken: "your work with ...... has come to an end."

The pain that I had to endure had some sort of preparation phase as we were left with a week and a half to continue our work while others proceeded to the training and another 2 agonizing weeks to wait of their decision. IT WAS THE WORST ONE MONTH  I HAD TO ENDURE. I thought I was ready, but it took me big time. I had countless nights of nightmares, sleepless nights, waking up in the middle of the night when everything is silent and the feeling of being alone is unavoidable. (There's something at dawn when you wake up and you're feeling really down. The feeling is just so intense, you can't go back to sleep right away without convincing yourself that you are tired or that it's ok or that it's just a bad dream)

I know I did try my best to excel, to do things right but it seems the world do not see the same way. I admit I do have lapses, I admit I do fail at times but deep within I know I try so hard to perfect things, to do things right.

You know the feeling when you already embraced something to be the destiny you choose to live, the kind of job you picture yourself to be working and the many plans you created along that dream and "poof!" the answer was NO? It hurts so bad.

I know ever since I had issues with my course and the kind of job the nursing field has. I know it's not easy but I accepted, I was ready to endure everything, I was even excited to begin. But what happened?

It pains me really that nursing attaches itself to attitude and social skills in the Philippines. I know I am capable of working well, I know I am quick and I also know I have so much more to improve. I was willing to do those things, but why not give me the chance to do so? Because I don't know how to sell myself? because I just remain silent while on duty? Because I do not try to impress the people around me? Because I am not a martyr of trying to be the savior of the day by offering every bit of available time and energy I have?
Nursing is not a pageant nor it is politics. It is a job and the best thing there is, is the chance to be of service and of help to those who are sick.

So there begins another failure. But I'm not giving up. I'm still willing to learn. I hope the world feels the same.



Blogged @ 11:51 AM
Don't let me go -