(the speech I made for our english)

Two titles I thought were entirely different----B.S. Nursing and AHSE. I remember as i was enrolling myself in the University, I insisted on writing B.S. Nursing on my enrolment records as others wrote on their AHSE1. I asked myself, "Why are they writing AHSE1? They are taking-up nursing, right?" Then later on, someone answered me as if hearing my bewildered call. "Miss, it's more right to put AHSE1 there because as first years, you are still taking up AHSE program" and I said, "Oh. Thank you."

The decision of taking up nursing wasn't really my idea. You see, I'm a kind of person who enjoys technology. I love exploring gadgets, creating HTML and CSS codes, editing digital images and creating masterpieces out from digital scrap. In fact, if there's no exam or long test for the week, you often find me at my place, in front of the computer and I could spend the whole day facing the PC and never get bored.

Back in High School, I had one particular favorite subject---Business Management. I took up this subject when I was in third year. And you know what? I am really proud to say that I got 100 percent during our 3rd quarter exam and 98 percent during our 4th quarter exam. That was how I loved the subject. There was even a time when I preferred studying it over Chemistry and to think I got extremely low grades for that subject.

It was also in third year when I joined the Edmund Campion Club, a dual collaboration between the English Club and the Debating Circle. It was here that I was given the chance to enhance my speaking ability.My friend, Melanie and I, were constantly asked to be the Masters of Ceremony at any activities that our club sponsored especially during the English month. After which I thought, it must be nice to take-up Business Communications when I reach college or pursue taking Information Technology. As you can see, I only had two options and either of which was not Nursing. As I addressed my preferred future course to my parents, a drastic big NO was their response. For a moment my world collapsed. So much for my dreams, aspirations and passions. I had nothing else to do but follow their choice-----to take up nursing.

I knew from that moment and on, I cannot give my best when I take up nursing. I will not be as diligent and passionate as how I used to perform in my 3rd year Business Management subject. My skills and creativity will have to come to a limit since it will not be of much use.

But one Friday evening as I was watching one of the episodes of the longest running TV show "Maala-ala Mo Kaya," I realized something. That night they aired the story about a little boy suffering from brain cancer. His case was extremely lethal and he was subject to an early death. They were very poor and his parents could not afford to send him for an operation. Yet his parents never gave up. To cut the story short, the boy died and by miracle, he lived! Yes, he lived but, what was striking for me was the scene when the child suffered from high fever and was brought by his father to the hospital carrying along with him a bucket full of freshly caught fishes. As they reached the emergency room, nobody and I mean NOBODY attended to them, not even the nurses, for the reason that they knew the father had no money. My heart ached as I viewed that part of the episode. Tears suddenly gushed out of my eyes and I fell on my knees. I was crying and I did not know why. That was the night I promised to God I will try to love nursing and will never let that thing to happen again as I practice my vocation.

Since it became the hottest job domestically, more than 40, 000 graduates acquire the degree of B.S. Nursing. And it goes on and on every school year. And if you question some of those graduates or even the ones currently taking the course, why they took up nursing, a number would say, "because my parents told me so" or "because I want to assure I will earn money." But if you ask me, my response would be different. At first, I may have been hesitant taking this course, but now I can say, I choose nursing because my reason is not money nor my parents' decision but because of the mission I want to fulfill. I may not be the best at this field. And I shall never be as successful as my cousin, Venus Sofia Balatero, who garnered the 6th rank last December 2006 Nursing Licensure Exam. But I believe, nurses have a purpose in this world. They are to care, to nurse, and even to love their patients, rich or poor, young or old, sickly or not. Nursing is more than the course. It is the purpose.
Blogged @ 9:08 PM
Don't let me go -

My birthday: all i can say is, it's the best birthday i have ever had! i want to share every single detail here but i'm not in the mood to do so. Well, there's a deeper meaning to it. if you read this post entirely, you will understand. Anyway, thank you to my real friends who made me feel extremely special. You guys have completed my birthday more than what I presumed it would be.


days after my birthday: I hate it! swear to God, for 3 days staight, i have experienced the worse of the worse that i have become. Can wisdom be lost? that's my greatest question. My kamalasan started saturday evening. (Sorry to my group) I had the worse group ever!!! Some of the boys are extremely APATHETIC!! They don't care at all! They don't care about what's happening, they don't care what they're suppose to do, they don't care about our performance!!! Technically speaking I shouldn't react this way. I am not the leader of the group, but what can I do? there's something in me that tells me i have to be concerned. I have to complement for the parts that our leader failed to check... That was what i wanted to do. But of course, i have to respect the power of our leader so i had to limit myself to reminding the members of what they are suppose to do, and really snap my fingers in front of them to get themselves working!! But, APATHY hinders everything that i want to happen. Shit! Boys in our group are apathetic! APATHETIC i tell you. RRRrrrrr.... it is at this moments then that my temper starts to rise. Then i do not speak and let the group go on to "whatever comes" mode. Would you believe our performance for today was our first and last practice? yes, it was! And to add on to the kamalasan I EVEN DESTROYED OUR OVER-HEAD PROJECTOR PRESENTATION. But, i cannot control the situation. I was the MC and I could not go down to control the computer while i speak! Plus, the sounds.. eerrrr... they had no speaker! then, the monitor of the computer does not work when it is connected to the over head projector. So i had to look at the big screen when I want to prepare for the presentation... but then the audience would be able to see it. I had no choice but to do so. But IT WAS REALY SO "HUGAW!" as in the whole performance for the slide show presentation was a shit! Then the sounds for every interval of the entire program, I cannot open the files since we used the MP3 player as our source of music and it's connected to the computer. How am I suppose to open the files when I cannot see the screen?? I must not use the Big screen since it would make our performance more Hugaw! Good thing I brought a CD with some great songs and instead we used the cd player. But even before this presentation, yesterday, I cried (for the first time in College) kay napuno na jud ko!!! I cried infront of my group in jollibee. I did not mind the place anymore because I was extremely mad, confused, exhausted and stressed!

Saturday night, I started making our slideshow presentation using the program "Ulead". But then our computer cannot comprehend to the required vitual memory whatever for the entire project to play so I could not edit it rightly. I had the patience so i still insisted on making the video even though i was tired already. And to think, I reached home around 11pm because my friends went to XUHS to watch the play fest of HS 4th yr students. So i was ablet o start working on my work around 12 am already. Anyway, instead of playing the whole project, i played it clip by clip (which took almost forever!) The clock ticked and it was already 3am and i am still at the middle of the entire presentation (it's that long since i really manipulated every direction of the video to look nice) My mom woke-up and started scolding my which made the situation more worse. I grew tired of the manu-manu so i gave up. I've exerted so much effort to it, yet it was all useless. I went to bed, crying... crying severely. (I have only cried like that 2 years ago, and to think what happened to me 2 yrs ago was that extreme. That was exactly what I felt, i was caught up with situations i cannot control and can't do anything about it.) I told myself to wake-up early the next day. I woke up at 7:30am and called one of my classmates to ask an installer of the "Ulead" program and one of my groupmates whether I could use his computer for the video editing. My groupmate said yes and immediately, i said, "ok, mudiretso na lang ko sa inyong balay and dili nako mu join sa jabee para magmeet." (at this moment, I presumed that the practise would still be at his place). Anyway, I planned to ask for an installer so that I could work on another computer. Yet the person whom I called said it was with another classmate. I called that other classmate of mine then she said again she has let her friend borrow it. She told me to call our classmate from HS to ask whether he has one.. I called the cellphone, it's out of reach. Landline, no one answered the phone. I felt so helpless already but i still tried despite the frustration i felt. I tried to copy the entire program installed in our computer in the memory card hoping that when i paste it unto the other computer it would work. I continued to hope for things to get a little lighter. Then I prepared myself to head to my groumate's place. He said, they would meet at around 8 A.M. I left our place at 9:30, so by the time I would reach their place, it would be 10:00 A.M and that they would be there already. I asked the owner of the place what street of that subdivision their house was located. I was reaching the place already, then I wondered why they weren't there. I door belled and asked their maid whether his "amo" asked permission to his dad that we would be using their place again for our practice. She said, no. I calmly said, "oh ok, thank you" And to think i was left alone outside their house without no clue of what i am suppose to do and how am i suppose to react!! i texted my groupmates (majority boys) where they are and asking whether they won't they be coming. RRrrr.. APATHY RETURNS and NO ONE REPLIED!!! only one replied and it was only after i have riden a jeepney. What blazed me so much was the inability of the owner of the place to think!!!! SHIT! He did not tell me that the group wont be cat their place!!!! Didn't he wonder why I asked what street their place is??? Didn't he get the line na "Mudiretso nako sa inyo"???? i was extremely mad at this time, so disgruntled that I wanted to slap his face and shout at him. Instead, when I reached the place... I just cried beacause I know, slapping him would just make the situation worse. And to think I have not yet started the slideshow. Now, my other classmate offered his place. So there, we went to her place. I copied the entire folder of "Ulead" but to my dismay, it did not work. So i had to use another program. I tried checking whether they had Windows movie maker. Rrrr.. there was none! Coz' they were using the windows 98. So we had to move to another place. We went to my other, other classmate. And this time, we used the windows movie maker instead. For 2 hours that I have been working.. i was finally done! Yet ambot na lang jud sa akong ka malas, dili siya ma save!!!! Some source failure chuchu, but i did not delete or move anyfiles at all!!! rrrrr!!! (at this moment, I was so tired already and extremely frustrated of the things that was happening) Then, I had no choice, I made another one and this time, using the Laptop. I started from scrap again.. and whatever chuchu my classmate copied the flash i made from the pc and pasted it in the laptop and played and it worked! yet, i had to edit some more and good thing, such act made things more easier. we were able to convert it to video file. I left their place almost seven with an empty stomach (no dinner the other night, breakfast and a little lunch, so i was like killing myself already, noh? I wanted that.) And as soon as i reached home, I was again scolded by my mom and she started speaking about always facing the computer and unable to study for my lessons and all other things. Nag-away na pud mi and so i head to my room and slept. Then the next day, which is today... our presentation was THE WORSE EVER!

I cannot blame myself to feel bad. Somehow I felt severly hopeless. As in HOPELESS! Circumstances were out of my control plus added with my worthless groupmates. All i wanted was to have a nice presentation but due to some uncooperative members, this seemed to be impossible. Plus added with some kamalasan, i was down to nothing. What happened to me today makes me feel I AM A FAILURE. Its painful to see our performance as lower even with mediocrity standard. I felt very much responsible for everything, for every devastating incidents. I feel a failure because it is as if I have not managed to control myself (given the fact that I cried and got really mad at them), the situation, and the chaos. The group was already panicing and so was I. Feeling nako wala nako na apply ang akong na learn na experiences sa high school. Kadtong mga training sa LC, sa Ogilvie, sa XUHS. I have failed the spirit of Light Cavalry because of what happened to us----we have failed, i failed. Light Cavalry has taught me so much about managing groups, organizing events and planning to have a descent presentation. Yet, i have failed to apply these. wala man pud diay pulos akong pagka-LC. Nagpaka pul-pol pud ko. Infact, I have unconsciously supressed the spark of LC in me. I have cared less... Maybe because I feel wala koy pulos coz' i think i am not given the chances and opportunities. The passion is no longer as strong as how it used to be... and now that I am aware of that I've become a little like apathetic, I've become bothered of it.... What if?
Blogged @ 9:29 PM
Don't let me go -

Is love then just another sentiment?
Men have transformed its virtue into resentment.
It has become a feeling, no longer a commitment.
No longer does it live in memory, it remains a moment.

Before, love was not only a word.
Thought, Dreamt, Spoken and Heard.
Oh no! It was an ever-sacred promise;
Never to be broken, never to diminish.

I quote not Shakespeare and other romanticists,
Who speak of love in terms of that and this.
I quote not Turgenev and other realists,
Who speak of love in terms of those and these.

When love ceases to be love,
It has lost its essence from Above.
It becomes either infatuation or lust.
Until love is no more but negligible dust.

I have not loved again since before;
Before that day when he closed the door.
I did not see him again the next day.
Love no longer exists; In my heart, it has died away.

-Seguel
Blogged @ 7:43 PM
Don't let me go -

lami ayo tan.awon ang chocolates bah? coz' indeed chocolates are the sweetest things for me. And so much for the my most favorite and best comfort food... recently, i've realized i am sort of allegic to it!! :'( waaahuhuhu. not allegic allergic that there will be rashes on my skin allergic that it will trigger my ashtma.. :( it's so sad.. right now, I have ashtma coz I ate chocolate last week... I had a lot and now here I am paying the consequences. what can I do?? they're just so irresistable!! huhu. it's just so bad.. why? why oh why?? naaaahhh!! :'( I feel so down and to make it worse, I can no longer eat chocolate to serve as my comfort food. The thought of it is excruciating... severely sad! of all people, WHY ME??

It's even more sad coz' days from now it's going to be valentines day and usually, many people give chocolates as a gift even to ordinary friends... :( sad. I wont enjoy their gifts. I won't be delighted whenever someone gives me chocolates. huhu. (but can I have even just a little?? come on.. please...)Then my birthday... last year, many, as in many people gave me chocolates!! but this year, if you are planning of giving me chocolates... don't bother na...thank you na lang... :( haaaayzzz... sad.
Blogged @ 11:38 AM
Don't let me go -

I woke-up early this morning to edit some pix for DA and prepare myself for NSTP class and to my dismay, I forgot to get my uniform from my cousin coz i left it in their house last week. Even so, I continued on... then arriving in XU, I saw so many lists of the students who garnered high score during the entrance exam of XU and ready for interviews for their scholarship. I remembered some of my classmate had the chance of a scholarship interview which had a conflict schedule with our retreat. Then I realized, today is that anniversary of our retreat!!! haha. I was practically happy jumping and skipping on my way to the assembly area. (nyaha! imagine that!)

well, retreat for me is one of the best things that happened to me during my high school years. It was the time I saw the real side of my friends. Not the competent ones, not the nerd ones, not the serious ones, not even that kalog ones. I've seen them in their most honest and truest selves. I have seen them smile not of bloopers but of the care they see for each other. I have seen them cry not because of failed quizzes or exams but of the love we've shared. The feeling was just too over whelming that it was just through tears we could all explain. For two nighst I stayed there, I realized two particular things. I realized I am blessed and that I am loved. I am blessed because after hearing all the pains and sufferings they've shared, I came to realize my problems are nothing compared to them. As in way nothing compared to them! I could still remember what I shared with fr.xrysz a.k.a my kuya. I told him that I think the degree of the pain I suffered was not suitable for my age nor my level. I said it was too huge and very painful that I found it unfair and unreasonable for me to go through such experience. Then I even thought I will die early and that maybe God's reason is to fast forward my life so that I will experience the same things a person with normal life span would come across. ha! so much for my analogy. I feel I am loved because, during those nights, I had a first hand experience of the most genuine kind of love ---friendship. The retreat served as an ulitmate bonding session for our class and I can say, that retreat is the best retreat I ever had!

Credits:
Thank you to fr.xrysz... if not because of you, our retreat won't be as memorable as now. Your activities for every session really achieved its purpose.

Thank you to ms.A... you made us to what we have become... Beyond the HSyears.. beyond the Ogilvie years...

Thank you my dear classmates... damn! I MISS YOU SO MUCH! I still haven't learned to let go of you guys fully.. but slowly I am trying to.. anyway, in my circle of friends are still Ogilvians so it lessens the pain. The memories are still fresh in my mind. I could still picture out the procedure during the sharing, the scene during the eulogy session, my groupmates during the morning sharing with sir jason & my location when I read my palancas. I could still recall the people who shared their painful experiences that I find grave and intense. You guys made me realize many things and that you made me appreciate my life more. Thank you for awakening me!

Thank you sir jason coz in that retreat, we became close.. much closer than before. Thank you too for bringing medicine to our assigned room when I got a headache and for fetching me from our room when I failed to go to the Viranda to see the boys serenade us (the girls). oh! happy birthday too! (it's already 12:05am here)

Thank you sa mga lalake sa buhay nga mga babaing ogilvians for the long stem rose. That was the first time I received a long stem rose... and I still have the dried one in my treasure box. Thanks particularly to red (my DS partner) who gave the rose to me.

I miss you guys.. happy anniversary!

Labels: retreat

Blogged @ 11:04 PM
Don't let me go -

haha. whatever. ok. uuuhhhmh.... nonsense... nothing comes.. none. blah. ugh.

ok, i'm here in Netopia accompanying kating. She needs to do some research for her devcom subject and so here I am, offering my generous company. (or is it me who needs the company?) nyaha! whatever. I'm taking nonsense here already... well, I just want to kill time. She's right beside me right now doing her research and 30 mins have passed and still she's not yet done searching, infact, she has not found any information that she needs for her assignment. ugh. And uhmmm... well, my day? let's just reflect on what happened to me today. Today's the president's day so no class, right? Enk! wrong.... though there was no official class, but we had an advance class for our sociology subject. The session started from 9am-11:30am. Then after which I had lunch with Gellie. I was feeling a little weird the moment I woke up and I felt like I wanted to search something about this certain thing that's happening to me. I shared that with Gellie and she was kinda "jaw dropped" when she heard me saying those words in a serious manner. (coz' I am rarely seen serious by them) haha! I was even feeling confused when we had lunch and I infected her. Bwaaahahahah!! basta, when the time comes I'll be blogging about it. I just want to wait for that perfect time, place, feeling, urge and passion for me to confidently say it to the world. oh! time's up.. got to go. ;)

*i know, this is nonsense.*
Blogged @ 6:28 PM
Don't let me go -

okay, my "traumatic experience" post was full of bloopers. and to think i repeated it four times! so much for ms. aspiring writer. haha! ^^

anyway, here's photo of me wearing both my high school and college uniform. The story behind the photo:

During this day, our block had a presentation, "The lofty trees" (it's so first yr HS), for our english 17 class and one of the costumes is the XUHS uniform. ( i wasn't the one asigned to wear it though) I was asked to bring my HS uniform for my other classmate to wear. The presentation was done.. blah. blah. blah. Then I went home. As I reached home, no one was there but good thing I brought my keys. I went in, turned the main switch for the electric power (we turn off the main switch to avoid electrical problems when no one's home) and sat. I just placed my baggages on the couch, sat beside it and stared blankly in space. I placed my hand bag on the table infront of me. Beside my hand bag was the digi cam. Vanity took advantage of me ^^ so I took pix wearing my college uniform. Then I saw my HS uniform inside the hand bag and I thought of changing and take some more pix. That time, I thought of blogging about high school and how I miss being in XUHS and blah. drama. blah, but, time deprived me. (I think I studied for a test that night) and so here I am.. blogging... but this was not suppose to be what I should be typing. That time, as far as I can remember, I was feeling nostalgic. I was suppose to write about how much I miss HS and wearing the uniform and stuffs. Ha! I no longer remember the feeling and the urge. hehe.

Anyway, yes.. I do miss HS and the Uniform. For me, HS uniform is the most beautiful uniform I ever saw in the city. They say, parang pang yaya but i say NO! big N-O!! I find it really nice, elegant and feminine. Basta I like it. and as for the college uniform? ambot. But it's nice and simple. So grown-up like get-up.
Blogged @ 12:55 PM
Don't let me go -

(my dearest friends taken in BunsenPizza, DV-soria)

My friend cese celebrated her 18th birthday today in Bunsen Pizza located in DvSoria. We had fun taking pictures and of course, eating pizza. num! We ordered 14 solo pizzas and a plate of garlic bread plus each had a glass of red iced tea, for which I found so refreshing and tasty (it had a weird, yummy taste) Then of course, her birthday can't and should not end without some spices along the way...

well, here was our plan... I wanted her to feel really special all day long so we asked 18 guys, whom she knows (and of course we know) to give her a rose anytime of the day. Our barkada already provided the rose and got the schedule of cese... so what they will just do is give her the rose. I felt so happy when I got so many "yes" from the people we asked IMPROMTO! hehe! so by the end of the day, she was able to get 17 roses (or was it 16?) and the last rose was reserved for ray... Another gimik we made was a voice message... Here's the story behind it. The day before her birthday, the barkada went to ernie's place to set for the recording. So we were to record our messages for her. Gellie bought a headset... yeah, we expected that the microphone would work but hell, it didn't! grrr... the pc did not detect the hardware so i had to make "halungkat" all the drives, connections, folders, set-ups and all other stuffs in ernie's computer. I even asked help from lester and tara plus kent, but enk! nope, nothing happened. After 2 hours of non-stop working, i gave-up. I sat on the couch thinking of any other alternative... still nothing... then i made mention to ed that i brought my digicam... then he went freaking out coz why didn't I tell them. I said "huh?" then they said.. "mel! we'll use your cam to record our voice!" and i said... "ahh... oh yeah!" but err.. we had another problem... i had no other spare batteries. No choice, we bought a pair of AA batt. So there, we recorded, edited, chose some background music and burn. (by that time, kating was already very anxious coz she had to go home and she was sure, her mom was blazing in flames already... the time's 10p.m.) Finally, done! I was afraid that the dvd player won't be able to read the *wav format but happy... it did! and then kating and I left. Hurriedly left. As in run from Ernie's place to Equitable PCI bank!

Our plan was to play it inside the bunsen pizza without cese knowing. So we asked the management a few days before if they would allow, and they said yes. So on her bday, we secretly handed them the cd we made and asked them to play it. The first song was entitled "Your beautiful" then followed by another really nice song (for which i forgot). This time, our group mistakenly thought that the our message will be heard somewhere in the second song.. they even shhhhed themselves and made a game that whomever speaks shall have a punishment. Haha! only to find out it was somewhere in the third track. hehe! The game was over and we acted normal now... then suddenly we heard maki's message.. cese did not believe it at first, then finaly she gets it. She heard our messages and heck, all eyes were on us through out the "gift presentation" since it was played publicly and with matching loud speakers outside the establishment. haha! (ulaw ayo) then she just coudn't help it. She was so over whelmed that tears of joy started to flow.. (awwwwhhh)

im just really glad we made her feel special on such a special day for her. Well, i said everything that i wanted to say in that voice message we made.. anyway, HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY, dearest mommy!! mwah!

*for more pix, check-out my multiply site*

Blogged @ 11:01 PM
Don't let me go -