Growing up!
I am really growing up now.. How eerie it is, I am seeing myself growing... growing physically, mentally... how is that so? Well, I noticed myself. The things that concerns me now and the things that i was concerned about before..
As a kid, all that mattered to me were toys, fairytale stories, games and a lots of games. I used to notice how fast the clock ticks…that every time I say "thousand" the red tip points to another number. How the mere 5-minute difference of the time from the clock inside my parents' room to the clock in the living room mattered to me... (How I used to notice them before) As a kid, seeing someone wearing a oddly type fashion statement never mattered… what mattered was the vibrant color it displays. How I used to lose track of time and really never gave a damn about it. Those times when the day is over, I could easily say "there's always a day after this." Quarreling wasn't a big deal during these days... IT was always easy... even without a SORRY... just playing again with the other kid already meant 'friends?'... "Uuuuuyyyyy!! uuuuuyyyy!!!" these teasing sounds I used to hear when I am pared-up with a boy-kid. When getting a wound from play didn't really mattered that much. It's the fun, the game...I recall how materialism reflects the kind of kid that I was, though I never really knew what 'materialism' then, I didn't even know yet it is a word (haha). As I look in the mirror, I do not recall a moment in my childhood days when I spent hours facing it, just fixing one's self...my physical concerns we're not turned on yet, but just now, now that I am growing-up.
Many things matter to me now. And those things that mattered to me before... the clock, the gap between a second and two, the day (these things I thought other inhabitants in our house noticed, but they didn't, they were busy growing up), and these started to be out of sight. Slowly it didn't bother me anymore... I didn't notice them anymore. Only when I have the time to sit and relax, I remember, but I no longer do it. I guess my time now has been transmitted to other things that, as a grown up (maybe in between still, that's why I see the difference, caught-up!), matters. But there are also flaws of being a grown up. Physical appearance mattered. Fashion statement? We’ve got clothings, pants, bags, shoes, even underwear to worry about! And that saying SORRY part? Well, it's always hard. A friend once told me that it may be pride that makes this part excruciating, not that they are arrogant, but both think they are right and that they continue to fight on what they believe. And the word SORRY here meant a lot! Kids never cry from the thought of saying good-bye (a friend leaves) to a friend. But growing up? It’s always hard to let go. And here it is... The essential part of being a grown-up, all but falling in-love. From a mere teasing-joke to a reality.
These are just some of the many things that I have gathered, going through the process... I guess I really am Growing-up. Matured? Maybe... coz' somehow I wonder how come I notice these? When before, these things didn't matter to me... I no longer am a kid. :(
