oh no! i need help with my paper... errrr... an expository paper with the topic "you are nobody 'till somebody loves you." I understand the very thought of it, but it seems I couldn't squeeze the right words to write what I really want to say! And I am also afraid that whatever I might say will be wrong... as you may know, I haven't been in-love for real! Oh God, help me... please, just for an hour or so, make me feel in-love, make me feel someone loves me, make me feel "the love"

I need some words for my paper. It's due tomorrow and I haven't started yet. It's already 11p.m. Gosh, help! Love, help!
Blogged @ 10:51 PM
Don't let me go -

certainly, being alone for 2 full days and 2 full nights can make one reflect and look back on actions and events that have brushed on one's life. Things that were paid only a pinch of attention seem to be of so much relevance. I guess I never noticed their importance until I really paid attention to them.

Lesson #1: it is not at all easy to maintain cleanliness of a house. I spent the whole morning disposing the sh*ts of our dogs, cleaning the outside and inside portion of our house, doing the laundry and feeding the dogs. These things are the chores my dad regularly performs. I over looked on how much effort he has to do to finish these tasks. My dad's one great guy...

Lesson #2: Let's skip this part.If people wanna forget you, let go and let them do so. I just realized, why do I have to push myself to someone who doesn't seem to show interest anymore? I am frustrated and totally tired of hoping and waiting for the kind of response I want to receive from people. I mean, there are a number of them whom I give so much attention yet take my actions for granted! I finally swallow the idea that it is already too much.

Lesson #3: I am hurting, cramming, crying, procrastinating, loving (?), but surviving. It does require self determination and patience to reach our goals. As for me, I wanna be "there" so I have to do the things that I must do (even if it means, giving up something things I love) in order to bring myself "there". Toil and you shall receive.

Lesson #4: I envy those who are actively participating organizations and clubs. Although I am happy I am a member of KKP, I am not actually proud. Not proud because I am not an active member. Because of my Saturday class, I am not able to hold NSTP sessions. I am also being deprived of time... much of my time is being eaten by school works and responsibilities. Of course, they weigh double so I have no choice. Although I really want to be an active member of some clubs and organizations, I just couldn't because of my heavy course. Some of my friends get busy with their orgs, they talk about it and there I am, left at the corner feeling miserable having to do nothing! Errr... I hate feeling useless.

So far, not so good. Well, at least my life begins to have meaning when busy myself even with the at most desperation to have something to feel, worry, think and act.

I don't want to begin to love the word "hate"....
Blogged @ 10:02 PM
Don't let me go -

Ok. It's officially 4:55 am here and I am still wide awake! who woudn't?? after drink two full cups of coffee! ha! i must have been crazy... I am crazy.

Right now, I feel oozy and floaty... float, float, float. And I feel I am not myself... It's sorta drunk-feeling... ooooohhhh... I was struggling to sleep, but heck.. the struggling took me 4 hours! and it's still now working. My parents have already awaken and since the sounds of the spoon, the gas range and the kitchen utensils seem like an alarm clock to me (they sound twice as loud as they should be!), I decided to end my agony and wake-up from a not so nightmare-nightmare. (you understand that right?)

I am totally desperate to finnish the things I am suppose to read so I thought drinking coffee would atleast prolong my awake hours. I miscalculated, it made me wide awake not just a few hours, but the whole evening 'till dawn!

atleast, I am finnish with my readings... and I hope I do recall them later. Gosh, I even did something I never thought I would! (oooh!!!)

ooooohhhhh... heavy feeling... ugh. help!
Blogged @ 4:51 AM
Don't let me go -

(mag tinagalog sa ko. my blog, i decide!)

dahil gusto ko rin mag-unwind ng mga emosyon na tila lumulunod sa'kin sa bawat segundong nararamdam ko na buhay pa pala ako, magba-blog ako. at dahil ginawa rin ito ng isang kaibigan ko...baka makakatulong din to sa'kin.

buhay estudyante, sobrang nakakapagod!!! shet. Kada oras, iba-iba ang iniisip, iba-iba ang wino-worry... Test dito, exam doon, project dito, group work doon.. saan ba talaga ako pupunta?? asan ba dapat ako magbibigay ng importansya?? nakakapagod... mag-iisip ka pa nga lang, wala ka nang lakas gawin ang nararapat.

Tatapatan pah ng quizzes!! biruin mo, everyday may quizz?? sa maniwala ka't sa hindi, kahit friday and saturday evening, kailangan ko mag-aral! naman... pagod na ako!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pag monday at tuesday, every meeting quiz sa RLE, MWF, every meeting quiz din sa Chemistry! Di rin patatalo ang physics, na tuwing wednesday... at sino ba namang AHSE2 ang makakalimot sa quiz sa HC1 every meeting, Wednesday at Thursday, na halos 20 pages ang kailangan imemorize at 10 questions lang ang lalabas! (bwiset! dito , halos bumabagsak na ako!) At kahit friday night, hindi applicable sa'kin ang "thank God it's friday", dahil kailangan ko ring mag-aral para sa pre-lab sa chemistry! oh diba?!?! tas pag saturday naman.. kahit hindi ko gusto mag-aral, kailangan para hindi tumambak ang dapat kong babasahin! (pero minsan, ang tigas talaga ng ulo ko... kaya hayun, sobrang baba ng score. buti naman pumasa.. pumasa nga lang)

letcheng buhay to' oh! errrrrr....

Blogged @ 4:18 PM
Don't let me go -

here are some photos of one of the shows we had courtesy of Dangs, a.k.a Gilbert delos Santos: (sorry if the pics are not that clear. They were taken form his phone and used zoom so the pics are a bit blurry.)



Blogged @ 10:31 PM
Don't let me go -

"I love you"... whoah.. this line keeps on replaying in my mind, and I DON'T KNOW WHY! i dont like it... err... gosh. love makes my mind go round. haha.

Fine week. ^^ although not really the best, but so far, it's fine. There were tons of tests which meant many "kulang sa tulog" days... pero buhi pa ko. tired lang talaga... I want a hug. hug me!!!!

and oh! remember the play that I was "managing"? well, we're on our 7th and 8th show next week! ;) I feel so happy i said yes to the offer... wala ko nagsisi nganong gi apil ko! Happee. The actors are really great, the story was creatively made and the play is magnificent! and mind you, I am part of the play. Yes! as the kiat manga vendor. haha. :P and the only lines I deliver are.. "Dyeeeezzzz", "yeeeeezzzz"... hahahaha. ^^ My costume consists of super short white shorts, high rubber heals, red fitting t-shirt, and super heavy make-up courtesy of ate Gee. (she is such a good make-up artist, i swear! she can really transform you.) and speaking of ate Gee, she's getting me daw as a model for her accesories to be made as post cards. She likes the shape of my face daw. waaaah. LOLZ! ahhaha. :P

anyway, the experience of both managing and being part of the team is astonishing. I love being part of the team. I love the bloopers, the cramming, the make-up part, the wearing of the costumes, the piano, the laughs, the coldness of the LT, the adrenaline rush and of course, the food! (gaaah. I'm fat)

and because of this experience, I still feel I exist. I am still alive and I still have a reason to live. Naa na koy pulos... hehe. ^^
Blogged @ 9:28 PM
Don't let me go -