Who weighs the most
22 April, 2010
3 days of retreat served me well. The spiritual journey I went through was an overwhelming experience. I felt the extremes of each feeling... may it be happiness, sadness, sorrow and grief.
It wasn't like any other retreats I had before, it was a silent retreat and spending atmost 15 hours a day praying and talking to my God was enriching experience. I felt shameful right before God as I recalled all my sins, my earthly desires my greed for glory and honor. It was a shame I never felt before... immense shamefulness, that somehow resorted to self pity and self desolation. I considered myself dirty, unworthy of God's love - a sinner.
But our spiritual director taught us one thing. Sin is part of our humanity. If not for our sins, we would have not experienced the great Love our God has to offer for He sent His only Son, Jesus Christ, to come and live as a human, and die because of our sinfulness to save us all. Sin should not be a reason for us to move away from God... being ashamed and unworthy, these are not excuses for us not to face God. These feelings are not reasonable, they are actually pride. Pride for our own sinfulness and humanity that we do not accept God's healing and God's forgiveness.
As for me, I accept my sinfulness. I accept I am human and committing sin is part of my experience. I have, by no means, no right to move away from God and condemn myself or others for their sinfulness... I have no right to put verdict but only God, with his unwavering Love for His creation.
I trust and believe God has forgiven me... I spent 3 days of my life repenting on my sinfulness and asking God another chance to relive His mission, His love and His mercy. I too should forgive myself, that I have to let go of those scrupulous guilt and shame, that I have to embrace the world once again, for God has given me another life to live.
God's love weighs more than my own desire, my own wickedness, my own sinfulness. And weighs more than anyone and anything in this world. I cannot afford to hurt God no more, and I am ready to let go of all other things that will hinder me to praise, serve and honor God, the Almighty.
Amen.
Blogged
@ 8:49 AM
Don't let me go -
