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Death in the Eyes of a Sufferer

13 December, 2007

(I wrote this at the at most peak of my emotional drama and existential confusion)

I want to die. I want to end this agony. I've been experiencing the same thing again and again. I'm so tired coping with the pain . I feel so tired trying to alleviate my emotional and physical status. I feel so tired helping myself. I am so tired... I'm so tired... Somehow I think dying would end every bit of pain that I feel. I want to get this think over with. I can no longer help myself. I've lost trust, strength and energy to fight and be well. Death seems to be my last resort. It's an easy way out. It takes no time to heal the wounds, it takes no time to swallow guts and self-esteem, it takes no time to experience chronic pain. Death only takes one-time pain, last breath and final goodbye. Death stops everything. Even pain.. even shame...


*******

Losing my fine is OK. It's the thought implied with the loss of a valuable material is what is causing my pain. I've been through similar circumstances again and again... and it's not as if I wanted such thing to happen or it was cause by my carelessness.

I hate my world. I hate my life.

Blogged @ 7:37 AM
Don't let me go -