As we progress in life, there are stop overs and detours we have to make. Sometimes these spots carry along danger and even pain in, most often, unwanted situations. We do not have the full control of our life, as you may know. There are factors far beyond our control, that whatever consequences we have to face, may it be nice or awful, we just have to accept. However, through these experiences we learn something, we gain knowledge, we gain wisdom. As what many would say, "the best teacher is experience itself."

For me, the greatest teacher "experience" would be pain... No one in this world would live because he or she would want to experience pain. All normal beings would avoid getting hurt, may it be literal or figurative. It is in man's nature to seek for survival. And one helpful choice of surviving is avoiding pain. But then again, when we are trapped and cornered by pain itself, we can no longer escape... and all we got to do is stay strong, and continue surviving. There's no pain far beyond each person's tolerance level and to survive is to acknowledge but not accepting the pain.

Acknowledging is when we know we are in pain... awakening our senses and self care abilities to help our self recover. Accepting is when we let pain take control over us. We accept the totality of pain by looking into the very thought of it as capable of creating emotional suffering. It shouldn't be like that. We Look at it as a foreign subject incapable to penetrating through all our inner walls.

But when time comes when it's just too much... another set of feet would appear to share the burden with. It's as if heaven finally shed some angels' feathers unto earth.

I experienced this. Here's my story:

(I made this for our RS project. I had a Perfect score on this. ^_^ every time I read this, it makes me cry. *sigh*)

Part I

I had a severe experience of betrayal from friends when I was in third year high school. In high school, I belonged to a class that almost had the same members from first to fourth year. Normally at this situation, strong bond of friendship can be rooted. I loved my classmates so much, so much that I thought I had befriended almost every person in the class and could actually relate to each one of them. I was confident I had a good relationship with each and everyone in the class. However, because of one incident they thought I was strictly involved, they seemed to have forgotten the bond we had and I felt highly betrayed. I never thought that the people who meant so much to me could do such thing right in front of my face. I resulted to isolation from the group. Because of the betrayal that I felt, I had the sudden gush on uncertainty in every person I met. I barely trusted people from then on. Also, because I could not seem to understand why they were able to do such thing, I thought to myself maybe I was the problem. I resulted to self pity and I started to doubt even my personal potentials. Yet God never seemed to abandon me at this point. He sent someone for me to appreciate life once more – Fr. Cris a.k.a. my kuya. My kuya made me realize that I still had the potentials even though I may have resulted to suppression of such capabilities. He opened my eyes from the mask that I wore. He made me feel aware of the ‘armors’ I constantly kept hooked-up with. He made me understand why such thing has happened and why I had that certain reaction to such situation. He also made me feel loved once more, by believing in me and by constantly inspiring me to do good, to always give my best. And I thank God He sent me my kuya even if it was just for a while…

Part II

I would label this experience as “Lit of Hope.” Lit of hope because of course, the mere action of concern of my kuya gave me hope. You see, at this point where in I felt everyone seemed to doubt on me, my personality, and my being, it’s such a surprising phenomena to know someone eagerly reaches out to me to in order to help. I felt valuable at that point. I felt I was still part of the world I continually secluded myself from. The talks we had also shed some rays of hope for my soul. I came to realize I should never remain to be a sufferer of the past and that I must learn to move on and live on. Our talks answered some inhibited questions in my heart that painstakingly waited for the right time to erupt and be answered. One questioned I opened up was, “why is it that when the incident ended, I thought I was alright, but when weeks started to elapse, slowly I felt the pain?” and he answered with the clearest analogy of the situation, “you see, it’s like when you get yourself cut. At first, you do not feel the wound but as the air touches the surface of the cut, you slowly feel the pain and notice the cut.” … I then understood. Because of these talks we had the uneasiness my heart felt was gradually calmed and I have seemed to embrace life once more. I had the face with the most genuine smile I ever had. I started to become at ease with myself and with others. I became very appreciative of the little things I accomplish and the favors people do to me. I embraced my classmates, my friends once more. I began to open my heart to love them again and forget the past. Once more, I was becoming me again… and I felt, for the fist time after 6 months of pain, the feeling of happiness.. It was my kuya who gave me hope… to myself, to my future and to my life.

Part III

Jesus continues to be a hope to me. Because my kuya was also an aspiring priest, he never forgot to mention God’s purpose and undying love for me. He made a clear emphasis that behind every person suffering, God always has a good reason. And now that my kuya is far away studying theology, I came to embrace God more tightly, drawing him closer to my heart in every encounter I have with Him. At times when I tell myself, if only my kuya was near, I seek for Jesus’ company for I believe, He is always there for me. Any moment I want to talk to Him, he is always willing to listen. He is just beside any person who believes in His Almighty power. At times when delirium seems to drown my mind and my soul, I run to the chapel and talk to Jesus, in my utmost solemn and personal prayer. And it just surprises me that Jesus seem to answer my questions by making me realize the things I need to realize in order to understand my question before the day ends. It seems that God never lets my heart stay unsecured and uneasy. And with these realizations, He gives me hope and understanding of the sufferings I experience. He never lets me lose hope for every time I feel like giving up, He never leaves my side and constantly reminds me of the things I need to be thankful of through the interactions I have with the people and the situations I observe as I walk and reflect on my life. I just feel reawakened and at the same time, refreshed whenever I feel this care from God. It makes an implication that God does not seem to abandon me even if I am not worthy of His care and love, and that God still has His hopes on me.

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and that's the reason why...
Blogged @ 9:06 PM
Don't let me go -