a blur. Life is in constant blur.

I have never heard of a man who lived his life with visions, dreams, and goals as clear as distilled waters are. Even one of the most brilliant man I have ever met in my life even suffer from vexation and ambiguity. The aspirations one desires is either unknown or uncertain. It's one fact I know, but coping up with this uncertainty is the greatest challenge above all the others. Why greatest challenge? It's because it's the point in a person's life that he has to epoche, to bracket things and begin to focus on one particular path brushing off all the blur-causing-factors in an attempt to see what is clear. It's never easy to choose from various options as what I know, especially when each choices are in accord to one's call of the heart. This is then when the "blur" begins.

It pains to realize that I do not really have a certain path that I want to take for real. I fight, I live, I struggle but for what cause? for my cause or for the cause of others? I will make a genuine guess as to what people would tell me if I begin to ask this very question to them, they would say "Just follow the flow." sa tinuod lang gi kapoy nako ug sunod-sunod lang sa dagan sa panahon ug situation. gusto nako maghimo ug ako mismong dalan... dalan na malipayon kong baktason. But there's one things I am certain of the general path I want to take, I want to take the road less traveled.

I pity those classmates of mine who are very certain of the path they are to take. "4 years school, 2 years review and experience, 1-3 years work abroad, 16+4+2+3=25, by that age I shall proceed to medicine, study for another 4 years, specialization for an additional 2 years and by age of 33 that would be the time I will get married." See? They have plans! I even MEMORIZED the time table of their life! I wish I see my future is as thorough as how they perceive themselves to be ten, fifteen years from now. I wish I am certain of the paths that I shall be taking. I know that in one way or another, these plans of theirs will have to be modified due to some uncontrollable circumstances. They'd have to take 3-5 years off their time table and spend it rather on "some other things not part of the plan" activities. But I cannot deny the fact that they DO have a pathway to follow, they know what they want.

Wanting something and having it is always a satisfaction to our hearts and even to our souls. But how can satisfaction be granted when even even one's desire is unknown? Which path will I take? Which among the many paths is less blurred? I do not know.