natapus na ang eleksyon... may nanalo. may natalo. pero, marami ang nandaya. Akala ko, hindi totoo ang "vote buying"... mali pala ako. Nakita ko mismo, mismo ng mga mata ko. For once, nahiya ako. Nahiya ako na Pilipino ako. Na kapwa ko'y nandaraya.. at pumayag namang madaya. Nakakahiya ang ginawa niyo... naniwala pa naman ako.

Politics is dirty. It will always be dirty!

************************************

My days in the past has not been easy... I'm experiencing pretty tough rides. Anxiety strikes again! Then again.. self pity. When, oh when will I be proud of myself? When will I be happy of what I am? When will I find my heart beat the melody of my soul? And why do I ALWAYS experience this "soul searching" mode?

I am a girl of great deep thoughts. I think deep, and I experience pain deeply. I hide the pain because I don't want to appear as if I am living in misery. Yet, who am I fooling? I know I can't always be like this... but, I can't come out talking about my pains and hurts to someone, I just can't. Or maybe, I choose not to. Well, I don't easily open-up to people. That's the problem... I am very unsure upon what to share, what to say. I am afraid of what might come out of my mouth. I don't want, oneday, that the people involved would hear what I uttered. And that I might hurt them. Or that they would be sorry, that they would start to feel self pity. This I wont allow. I'd rather take the pain for myself. Living for 17 years, I think I have hurt enough people. I have made a number of souls shed a tear or two. As long as I can stop myself from hurting, I would do whatever it takes. Even if absorbing all of life's selfishness. If this be a curse I would take forever, let it be. My heart has had many scars... I think there is still space to leave some more. If this be the way I could affirm to myself that I have used my life not in waste, not in disgust, not in selfishness... If this be the way I could say I would be spiritually happy.. If this be the way I can show my care, affection, love, friendship.. If this be the way I could raise my chin and be proud... God, I give you my heart. Take it. The Whole of it. And please.. Can you take my life with it too? Much of my life, I have lived in resentment... Atleast, what I could do about it is to live a life of utmost purpose. I've got a feeling, I would be really happy there. :)


*****************

School work is hell. I hate Statistics. I will aways hate Statistics. Maybe because of our teacher.. (sorry, but I blame her) Ghad! I don't get whatever she discusses. She introduces this process in class, but when the exams come.. we have to figure out the process! walay pulos ang iyang discussion... errrr... mas makasabot pako kung magread ko! ay.. ambot na lang jud. I am extremely having low grades. Ghad! I hate it. I have it. I hate it. Samuk! huhu.
Blogged @ 9:00 PM
Don't let me go -